Just for fun, some highlights from Jason Gay’s Wall Street Journal article on the 27 rules for Fourth of July Wiffle ball. The whole article is accessible at the link at the bottom:
3. Some people play Wiffle ball without running bases. But running bases is entertaining. So is getting an out by hitting the runner with the Wiffle ball. This makes the game more action-packed, burns more calories, and most important, introduces the amazing opportunity to legally throw something at members of your own family.
7. Bunting in Wiffle ball is a state and federal crime.
8. Wow, that is an amazing 82 mph backdoor slider you’re throwing. Related: Everyone in this Wiffle ball game despises you.
9. Beware the Wiffle ball strike zone. There’s always someone who wants to set up a strike zone behind home plate, and this can be an interesting wrinkle, but the “called strike” adds a mean streak to the game. The pitchers start taking themselves too seriously, and the next thing you know, Scott Boras is representing your aunt Claire.
11. Look, it’s fine—and common—to strike out in Wiffle ball. Don’t worry: The ridicule only lasts between 10 seconds and 40 years.
12. Just let Grandpa pitch one inning. All he wants to do is his Luis Tiant impression and then go inside and read his Lyndon Johnson book.
14. There are no umpires in Wiffle ball. There’s Uncle Billy watching the game on the porch, and Uncle Billy saw…OK, Uncle Billy is asleep.
18. Little kids should always be encouraged to play Wiffle ball. You just have to accept that your left fielder is eating Cheerios from a Ziploc and your second baseman went back to the house to watch “Ratatouille” for the 900th time.
21. Mid-game trades are allowed in Wiffle ball, but be careful: feelings can get hurt. No matter how much sense it makes at the time, you cannot trade your brother for a lawn chair.
24. Exciting news! There are more people at your Wiffle ball game than at a Marlins game.
25. The oldest rule of Wiffle ball: The person who has never played Wiffle ball before will end up getting the biggest hit of the game.
27. Do not take Wiffle ball seriously. You are an adult trying to hit a small piece of plastic with another small piece of plastic. But yes: Everyone knows you went 4 for 5 with seven RBI.